Mission Improbable (corner of Hollywood and Kafka)

Franz Kafka*

 July 3, 1883 –  June 3, 1924

Recently, I got an email inquiry from a talented Bay Area actress I've worked with. She wasn't sure whether or not a new online site for actors and models she had recently joined was legit or not. She thought maybe I had come across them, but I hadn't, so I'm grateful to know about them now. Her strange story can only be called Kafkaesque.



My friend had signed up for the free version of the actors' service, not the paying version. She got a voicemail regarding an acting gig, and when she returned the call, the agency's answering machine announced that the office was closed for the long weekend. So she called them back during the week, twice. They had an 800 number and the automatic voice said she could not reach that number from her Bay Area location, so she called Information and was told there was no telephone number or any 800 number listed for the agency in LA or anywhere else. Then she tracked them down online and found another 800 number and was finally able to contact her original caller at the agency. He said, "I have your head shot and resume in front of me, but I'm on another call." He said he'd call her back in 10 minutes. 


An hour passed with no call from him so she went out to do her errands. No voice mail on her home phone during that time and nothing on her cell. Not til she noticed the text message with an LA number requesting that she call regarding a gig that would pay handsomely for a popular TV series.


So she called and the young woman who answered then asked her to call the next day. It was 6 PM and by now the office was closed. When my friend asked where they were located, she was told Hollywood.


My logical friend muses, "It seems to me that if there actually was a job for which some casting director wanted me to audition, someone would be trying harder to reach me or to talk to me when I call back. I'm wondering if this is all a scam to get me to pay for the extended service on their web site."

She also took the time to look up her own account on their site and inquired regarding her very original look as well as her age, between 40 and 70. After perusing over 30 pages, with 10 actors listed per page, none of the women she saw had her unique  look, nor could she even find her own listing. There were, however, people who said they were 50 who looked about 80 and people who said they were 65 but looked 35.


Finally, she decided to take herself off the site, even though she couldn't find herself listed. The site posted that she could not cancel because she had only a free account. So she wiped out all the data she could on her page - not all of it deletable. Then she called the  phone number listed there and after she was put through the hold rigmarole with different people, she got what sounded like a young girl who was used to deleting accounts and was resigned to this fate, who said she would delete it and actually knew my friend's account number. She said it would take about 45 days to clear the web.

"What!!! 45 days?" said my exasperated friend. You see, when someone goes to her name they will just get the name of the talent agency, not her listing, for now. My friend hopes this episode does not harm other web searches for her life and career, nor searches for her own website, etc. The company rep promised my friend would get no further e-mails, phone calls, etc.  


Don't mess with iffy talent websites. Contact me if you want the name of this one.



*Read the 1925 Kafka book, "The Trial," with its descriptions of the metaphysical, absurd, bewildering, and 'Kafkaesque' descriptions of German and Austrian criminal proceedings of the time.